In a move being lauded by both the Right and the Left, the CIA officially replaced waterboarding, the aggressive interrogation technique used on suspected terrorists to simulate drowning, with on-campus college interviews. The CIA explains the move is a “win-win” as it actually inflicts more pain on the subject and requires less space. One anonymous CIA official told us at The Young Professional, “I can’t believe it took us longer to figure this out. On-campus interviews were actually created by the CIA back in the 60’s, and used to great effect on hordes of foreign A-holes. We only switched to waterboarding because on-campus interviewing frequently pushed the terrorists past the point of cooperation and into total physical shock too quickly. We hope we’ve fixed that.”*
On-campus interviews suck. Finding a job after college generally sucks too. I know that when I attended career fairs, I felt like I was speed dating a room full of Lorena Bobbits – uncomfortable at best. The reason this happens is that college doesn’t prepare us for life after college. It prepares us for more college. Attending college to prepare for life after it is like eating a thousand donuts to prepare for a swim meet.
It doesn’t have to be that way. It shouldn’t be that way. You deserve the life you dream of, and if you do a few things right, then you will make it.
What’s that you ask? If I told you here, I’d have to kill you.
But fortunately I have released all of those secrets, and more, in The Young Professional’s first book: Life After College Doesn’t Have to Suck. But it Will. (if you don’t read this). Want to make sure you are the first to know when it is released this month? Just drop in your email address to follow this blog. I’ll let you know before anybody else.
-The Young Professional
*The CIA would like me to state that none of the things I said about them are true, and they did not coerce me to get me to say that. Really, they didn’t…